Why Hadassah?

As anyone who was once a fourteen year old, one can recall the difficulties of finding one's identity. Who am I? What is my purpose in life? Does anyone really know me? These are the questions I asked myself at that age. I had a deep relationship with the Lord but again as anyone who was once fourteen years old understands, the term boy crazy comes to mind, an undeveloped mind was quite the reality. I was not boy crazy for Jesus is all I'm saying. ;)

At that age I was searching for something more, something deeper. When the Lord would gently whisper that He was the one I should be head over heels for, my heart would find itself being guided to it's maker. During one of those times of walking deeply with the Lord, a sweet friend of mine said to me, "Hey Hadassah!" This particular friend had a brotherly love and joy that was contagious. When he said this name, I didn't quite understand why he was calling me that, as he never had before. He must have seen my puzzled look because he then said, "I was reading the book of Esther last night and you remind me of her. Her Hebrew name is Hadassah." Now, mind you, this was probably the sweetest compliment I had ever received in my entire life at that point. Was I like Esther? No, hardly at all. I don't know what my friend saw but it was an encouragement to me just the same. As we finished up middle school and went on throughout high school that friend always called me Hadassah. He wasn't the only one, all our friends started calling me by Hadassah. I quite liked it. Still do. ;)

For me, the moment Hadassah became who I was, was the night I gave my heart back to Jesus. Remember boy crazy fourteen year old? Well that fourteen year old turned in to and fifteen and sixteen year old boy crazy girl. Sigh. I didn't remember who I was in Christ. The knowledge of being a daughter of the King became a distant memory as I plunged into a life full of seeking to please myself and the guy in my life. As I continued to run away from God my story became more and more tragic. So much happened. So much sin. So much yuckiness. (Not a word, I know. How else do you describe such a yucky time in life?) So much hurt. So much loss. I didn't know who I was. The Lord, as He always does, gently whispered to me who I was. His daughter. That night, when I chose to give myself fully to Lord once more. Never turning back. Fully repentant and made white as snow. Heidi became the girl with the story of brokeness made whole but Hadassah was the girl that Jesus saw me as the whole time. I know that yes, Jesus sees me as Heidi. Don't get me wrong, I love my real name. In my mind, I needed a physical reminder that Christ sees me as He created me to be. He sees me as the girl that my friend saw so long ago. Fearless. Wise. Patient. All the good words. Am I those things? Lets just say I am a work in progress. We start as an acorn not an oak tree, am I right? ;)

;) Of course in His righteousness He sees my daily struggle with my flesh, yet He loves me still. Growth and discipleship followed. As I grew up and those friendships, though cherished, became distant because life happens, being called Hadassah became less and less apart of my life. Except for one person that is...and let me just say, I like this person quite a bit. Enough to marry him anyway. ;)

My husband and I met while we were in high school. Of course he heard our other friends call me by that name. To this day he calls me Hadassah. If anyone loves me like Christ, it is my husband. The fact that he chooses to call me that is extra heartwarming. In fact if he calls me by my real name I get confused and worry something is wrong! Haha! Every-time I hear someone call me Hadassah, especially my husband, my heart goes pitter patter. For me Hadassah isn't just a name but a post it love note from Jesus that He sees me. He loves me. I am His girl.